Revelations while watching CL
K, my blog is finally working so I'm posting what I wrote on Thursday morning while I *forced* myself to stay up for SOMEone =P I got this cute notebook that I really hope triggers off my creative writing. I'm deathly afraid I won't be able to write anymore. Bah. But then, that's a separate post, isn't it?
Right. I was supposed to type out my "revelations". I want to cuz it really was important, albeit obvious stuff.
"Woohoo. I'm in a relatively GOOD mood. Ok, let's just call it a good mood la.And it's largely due to serendipity, Eddie & Prem, and the ray of sunshine known as Jeevs. I am so thankful in this moment, I really am. They are all right when they say that I am not appreciative enough. I swear I will strive to be more so. It can only improve my life. This is not to say that in this moment, everything is picture perfect or that I won't get depressed again in like 10 minutes when something involving him or Mummy or money crosses my mind. The problems are there and they are significant and they will bring me down but I must make my peace and move forward. The seeds have been planted for a brighter, better future. It is my DUTY to MYSELF to nurture the tentative relationships and oppurtunities that have been given to me. There is a chance to express and explore my creative energy which is ultimately a possible career option and the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. I just need to get back into writing and learn some basics, and most of all, be open to the whole process. It will not be easy, but as I have learnt, nothing worthwhile ever is.
Okay, so what about him? I still haven't decided what to do. Most opinions say, do NOTHING. That is NOT what I want. The question is, why? What do I really believe talking will achieve? Am I seriously still hoping he will want me? If I am, I am so seriously deluded, masochistic and just plain stupid. Resolving our issues? Knowing where I stand? Well, what if he realizes and THAT ends/messed up our friendship? What if he flat-out says, "what friendship?" ?? Is it really better knowing? The most important thing is TOS. Right??? See, that's what it comes down to and Jeev pointed that out. And it IS true. So now, think in terms of TOS and decide the best course of action. Hmm... "
And that's how I left it for the day. There are further revelations and more positive realizations which I will elaborate on in a bit. But the main concern for the moment is getting me some F.O.O.D and for that, I need to shut Ricky up. Bah. But he means well la, so. Anyway, there's this amazing pic that they took without my knowledge. I think it reflects reality so amazingly well, I got to put it up SOMEwhere and this is the only place I can. So there. Now that Jeevs knows my blog address (argh), SOMEone can view it, I guess. I really hope I never forget the lesson depicted so well in that picture. But there I go again, making too much of a simple snapshot. Oh well. The only thing that matters is that I don't allow this to happen again. Learn, child, learn! K, we shall shut up for now and update the "happy" blog instead.
Right. I was supposed to type out my "revelations". I want to cuz it really was important, albeit obvious stuff.
"Woohoo. I'm in a relatively GOOD mood. Ok, let's just call it a good mood la.And it's largely due to serendipity, Eddie & Prem, and the ray of sunshine known as Jeevs. I am so thankful in this moment, I really am. They are all right when they say that I am not appreciative enough. I swear I will strive to be more so. It can only improve my life. This is not to say that in this moment, everything is picture perfect or that I won't get depressed again in like 10 minutes when something involving him or Mummy or money crosses my mind. The problems are there and they are significant and they will bring me down but I must make my peace and move forward. The seeds have been planted for a brighter, better future. It is my DUTY to MYSELF to nurture the tentative relationships and oppurtunities that have been given to me. There is a chance to express and explore my creative energy which is ultimately a possible career option and the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. I just need to get back into writing and learn some basics, and most of all, be open to the whole process. It will not be easy, but as I have learnt, nothing worthwhile ever is.
Okay, so what about him? I still haven't decided what to do. Most opinions say, do NOTHING. That is NOT what I want. The question is, why? What do I really believe talking will achieve? Am I seriously still hoping he will want me? If I am, I am so seriously deluded, masochistic and just plain stupid. Resolving our issues? Knowing where I stand? Well, what if he realizes and THAT ends/messed up our friendship? What if he flat-out says, "what friendship?" ?? Is it really better knowing? The most important thing is TOS. Right??? See, that's what it comes down to and Jeev pointed that out. And it IS true. So now, think in terms of TOS and decide the best course of action. Hmm... "
And that's how I left it for the day. There are further revelations and more positive realizations which I will elaborate on in a bit. But the main concern for the moment is getting me some F.O.O.D and for that, I need to shut Ricky up. Bah. But he means well la, so. Anyway, there's this amazing pic that they took without my knowledge. I think it reflects reality so amazingly well, I got to put it up SOMEwhere and this is the only place I can. So there. Now that Jeevs knows my blog address (argh), SOMEone can view it, I guess. I really hope I never forget the lesson depicted so well in that picture. But there I go again, making too much of a simple snapshot. Oh well. The only thing that matters is that I don't allow this to happen again. Learn, child, learn! K, we shall shut up for now and update the "happy" blog instead.
posted by Mel at 2:20 PM
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