Gotta sort through some of these feelings!
Okay, there's really no time to blog but I have to sift through some of this stuff. Just can't think about him yet. But TOS, the awesome people involved and all the crazy and stressful moments are things I sincerely hope I never forget. I really want to list them all cuz they deserve it but then this isn't the place for it. God, I really hope we get another oppurtunity to hang together, yesterday was just not enough cuz we were all tired and had to get home and the emotions were still running to high, for me at least. I really regret not making the most of the emo-circle but things were just too raw at the time. It is so important to me that they all know how I feel and how much I enjoyed this and how sorry I am for the mistakes I made and stress I caused.
What will I do without the rehearsals? No more listening to unbelievably funny and gripping scripts, no more watching him and PY carefully watching and directing in the truest sense of the word, no more lifting props and dealing with costumes, no more mamak/indian dinners/suppers (!!!) and quite probably, no more late-night conversations with him and Jeev. Wow. It's just crazy. How can this have only been a part of life for TWENTY-SEVEN days?? My God! It felt like coming home in so many ways, I cannot believe how comfortable I am with some of them. It's such a gift, one that I hope I can nurture. I know I'm being all Hallmark-ish but that is how I feel right now. I really don't want this to be the end of any of the relationships, except for her la. I really don't hate her but she just isn't my cup of tea. Similiarly I don't see myself being close to Sugar&Spice but that doesn't make her any less of an awesome person. We all have our skills and plus points and immense weaknesses (with the possible exception of TOG cuz she's just so darn loveable!) but it no longer matters to me. Even if she loves him and he loves her, it doesn't make her a bad person or whatever.
I'm talking to him now. It's so clear that there's nothing there on his part. This is heartbreaking. OH God. I will not cave. Enjoy the moment. You will be okay. You've accepted this.
Ah, dinner invitation!! Be strong, Mel. You have gotta be strong. There's the studying to get done but far more importantly, there's your mental and emotional stability. You cannot risk blurting everything out. And right now, it is SUCH a clear-cut possibility.
Okay, I stayed strong and postponed (lol) the dinner. So I have some time to build up my defenses, assuming that's possible. God, he's amazing.
Right. I can't sit here and wait for him all day, much as I'm tempted to. Gotta get to work. Final thought : he's amazing.
What will I do without the rehearsals? No more listening to unbelievably funny and gripping scripts, no more watching him and PY carefully watching and directing in the truest sense of the word, no more lifting props and dealing with costumes, no more mamak/indian dinners/suppers (!!!) and quite probably, no more late-night conversations with him and Jeev. Wow. It's just crazy. How can this have only been a part of life for TWENTY-SEVEN days?? My God! It felt like coming home in so many ways, I cannot believe how comfortable I am with some of them. It's such a gift, one that I hope I can nurture. I know I'm being all Hallmark-ish but that is how I feel right now. I really don't want this to be the end of any of the relationships, except for her la. I really don't hate her but she just isn't my cup of tea. Similiarly I don't see myself being close to Sugar&Spice but that doesn't make her any less of an awesome person. We all have our skills and plus points and immense weaknesses (with the possible exception of TOG cuz she's just so darn loveable!) but it no longer matters to me. Even if she loves him and he loves her, it doesn't make her a bad person or whatever.
I'm talking to him now. It's so clear that there's nothing there on his part. This is heartbreaking. OH God. I will not cave. Enjoy the moment. You will be okay. You've accepted this.
Ah, dinner invitation!! Be strong, Mel. You have gotta be strong. There's the studying to get done but far more importantly, there's your mental and emotional stability. You cannot risk blurting everything out. And right now, it is SUCH a clear-cut possibility.
Okay, I stayed strong and postponed (lol) the dinner. So I have some time to build up my defenses, assuming that's possible. God, he's amazing.
Right. I can't sit here and wait for him all day, much as I'm tempted to. Gotta get to work. Final thought : he's amazing.
posted by Mel at 9:52 AM
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