Access denied - are you kidding me?
For whatever reason, I decided to check out my own blog (since no one else can) and imagine my surprise when I found that it said, you guessed it, "Access Denied!". Are you frickin' kidding me? I mean, my God. DQ (almost typed her real name there) copy and pastes (yes, you know that's what you really did) the word Bitch a gazillion times and that's allowed to be displayed but my occasional swear word is blocked??
Fuck you!
There, deny access to that, why don't you? Your welcome, by the way. I mean, seriously, this is insane. It goes against the whole freedom of speech whatever BS that the internet is supposed to stand for. It just defeats the purpose of having a website to post your thoughts on if you can only put the nice ones on it.
Bah.
Anyway, let's get to the point(s) for today since I'm supposed to be studying at the moment. I can't have him. Oops, aren't we stating the obvious there, sweetheart? Yes, indeed we are but since it doesn't seem to have sunk into my naive little head, I guess I gots to keep repeating it. Can't hurt (except to cloud my whole day, but what the hey). I want him so much. There, another incredibly helpful statement. I have to figure out a way to stop thinking of him and being consumed by this feeling. He has so much power over my emotions right now. I would let him do or say anything, basically, and that's just inexcusable. I really need to see that this is a no win situation and back the hell out of it ASAP. Now. Just do it, cuz you don't want to go through this kind of pain again. You need to be stronger than this cuz no one can get you out of it. Remember what getting over Keith was like. Remember the hours lying in bed tormenting yourself with sad songs and empty fantasies.
Oh God. This is so fucked up. I should just stop. I'm going to try to study and then face him with the task at hand and nothing else. No expectations. It's pointless because he doesn't see me that way. So just focus. You want this show to be the best it can be. You've sacrified a lot of time, money and sweat on it. So keep to the show and the rest will sort itself out in due time. That conversation, the humiliating, awkward, my-life-is-over one, can wait.
Shit.
Fuck you!
There, deny access to that, why don't you? Your welcome, by the way. I mean, seriously, this is insane. It goes against the whole freedom of speech whatever BS that the internet is supposed to stand for. It just defeats the purpose of having a website to post your thoughts on if you can only put the nice ones on it.
Bah.
Anyway, let's get to the point(s) for today since I'm supposed to be studying at the moment. I can't have him. Oops, aren't we stating the obvious there, sweetheart? Yes, indeed we are but since it doesn't seem to have sunk into my naive little head, I guess I gots to keep repeating it. Can't hurt (except to cloud my whole day, but what the hey). I want him so much. There, another incredibly helpful statement. I have to figure out a way to stop thinking of him and being consumed by this feeling. He has so much power over my emotions right now. I would let him do or say anything, basically, and that's just inexcusable. I really need to see that this is a no win situation and back the hell out of it ASAP. Now. Just do it, cuz you don't want to go through this kind of pain again. You need to be stronger than this cuz no one can get you out of it. Remember what getting over Keith was like. Remember the hours lying in bed tormenting yourself with sad songs and empty fantasies.
Oh God. This is so fucked up. I should just stop. I'm going to try to study and then face him with the task at hand and nothing else. No expectations. It's pointless because he doesn't see me that way. So just focus. You want this show to be the best it can be. You've sacrified a lot of time, money and sweat on it. So keep to the show and the rest will sort itself out in due time. That conversation, the humiliating, awkward, my-life-is-over one, can wait.
Shit.
posted by Mel at 11:08 AM
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