Inspiration comes from the strangest places

Okay, this is my first post, darn, the pressure to be fascinating is overwhelming! =P But really, I don't actually want anyone to read this. Although if that was the absolute truth, I wouldn't even bother posting my innermost feelings on the frickin' WWW, would I? So there goes Me, contradicting herself after two sentences. Haha, it's probably a new record.

Sigh.

Right... I did promise to be 100% original, didn't I? I doubt I can live up to that all the time, cuz as amazing as it seems to me, sometimes I am just like everyone else (gasp!). Unfortunately, people don't seem to like me any better then, either. =(

So maybe I should explain tonight's title. Without mentioning names (my paranoia won't let me do that since she and the rest could still figure it's me) let me just say that the Drama Queen extradonaire (just DQ, for convenience sake) unwittingly inspired me to start blogging. It's so weird how I actually started to think she was a normal person when I first read her blog. Granted, the insane jealousy (which I still believe is dedicated to ME) was shocking, to say the least. But reading about her friendships and family life kinda made me wanna give her another chance. Then, of course, we see her and that ridiculous attitude is right there all over again. She just could not possibly be more difficult. Lord, it drives me insane to stand there and put up with her kindergarten BS. And the fact that he keeps pandering to her!!! Argggghhhhhhhh.

Friday was just so insane. I cannot get over it. My beloved little phone, the only real thing I've bought for myself, the cute maroon finish that I tried so hard to preserve, the pictures and sms's from HIM and everyone else that matters/mattered to me. The numbers of people who have long since forgotten me but whom I was still clinging on to in some perverse way. Beyond that, the issue of getting the line reconnected or dealing with all this prepaid BS and ALL the other shit that's going on. But most of all, just the reality of having someone taken away so suddenly.

I wish I'd let him hug me. But I know I would've made an ass of myself, a bigger one than I am currently making, day by day as I try unsuccessfully to hide just how amazing he is and how badly I want him in my life. I can so clearly foresee this thing with him (does it even qualify as a thing?) ending horribly, on my part. I'm terrified that I will make him uncomfortable with my feelings or overwhelmed by my fucked-upness or bored by both. I know he would never want me - hell, it's even more likely for him to like HER (God, no!!) than me. I'm not his idea of attractive and I'm way too fucking complicated for someone who's already complex and has so much to do and see. He needs someone like The Other Girl (TOG, for future reference) but of course, she doesn't want him, not at the moment, anyways. So there's the DQ and ME chasing him while he chases the pixie-like and lovely TOG who's involved with someone else.

Double sigh.

I'm thinking this is more than enough blogging for one day, especially for a first day. I should be finishing the crappy assignment or working on the presentation rather than doing this. But my mind is just so fucked at the moment. The phone thing, the family drama, the 700 things to be done for class and theatre, REALISING I CAN'T HAVE HIM... it's all taken such a toll on me. This is the weekend from hell and what terrifies me is that I'll allow all this to ruin the good things in my life. Because there are good things going on, or at least, there is the promise of good things, which is basically due to HIM, go figure. He has given me an oppurtunity to put myself out there and I cannot waste it. But at the same time, I don't know how to get myself out of this. Not tonight anyway.

Damn, the electricity is getting all weird. I better get outta here.